Written by Jeffrey Rosenbaum, Ph.D.
The holiday season is a stressful time for families. It can be both exciting and overwhelming at the same time. Children have expectations that sometimes are met but that sometimes lead to disappointment. Helping children manage the holidays takes effort but can give them valuable learning experiences.
Preparing children for the holidays is important. Talking about the holidays in advance should include a realistic discussion of their holiday expectations. It should cover the holiday schedule, the changes to their normal routine, the activities they will do, and the people they will see. Discussing the plans in advance will give children an opportunity to process and better anticipate what is to come.
As much as possible, routines should stay the same. This is especially true for young children. Consistency helps children feel secure and reduces their anxiety during the holidays. Children do best when they know what to expect, so giving advance notice and making a calendar of activities will help children know what will be happening and when it will be happening.
It’s best to avoid overscheduling children during the holidays. Too much excitement can be overwhelming and can be difficult for some children to manage. Some activities will be familiar as families have routines and traditions that they follow. However, some activities will be unfamiliar and overstimulating. Children need to have a balance during the holidays, so it is important that they have some days that are planned to be just fun and relaxing so they can discharge some of their energy or they can be quieter and more creative.
It’s likely that children will feel stress during the holidays. The changes in routine, the anticipation of gifts, the overscheduling of overstimulating activities, and their own individual make-up can contribute to their own stress. Children can react with irritability, anxiety, tantrums, and defiance. Children can also sense their parent’s stress so it is important to pay attention to how this may be affecting the family.
Children with sensory issues, ADHD, anxiety, and autism spectrum disorders are more likely to have difficulty managing stress during the holidays. They are more likely to react negatively when they feel overwhelmed or when routines change. It is important to have a plan to give them breaks or to give them the choice to participate if the activity will be too overstimulating for them. Giving them specific information about what they can expect to happen, role playing the activity in advance, writing a social story about the activity, and giving them a signal that they can use when they are feeling stressed will enable parents to help their children manage many situations.
Every child is different. Strategies for one child may not work for another. Developing an individual plan that works for each child will contribute to making the holidays enjoyable and rewarding for the entire family.